Ooof, gotta lay low now

OK, so it turns out that Alex didn't park his car around the corner to avoid me yesterday--he just wasn't at work after all. I woke up knowing this for sure, strangely enough, but I decided that even if there was an explanation, I shouldn't just jump right back in. I wrote him yesterday around this time (because that's when he usually writes me) as an offering, but that was a really dumb thing to do. But I didn't think I could feel OK unless I did it, and I was right. So he wrote me about 10 minutes ago apologizing about the long delay in getting back to me, and to say that he's up for another dinner, but "this week's looking a bit tight, perhaps next week?"

So now I don't think I'll be writing him back until at least tomorrow. I don't want to play games, but this has been really hard on me--physically, emotionally and mentally. I don't think he's trying to string me along, but I don't think he knows what to do with me. I think it's safe to say he just not that into me and leave it there, and let him find me when he's up for it. Or not, whatever, but I have to get off this roller coaster.

I can't really blame him for any of this--I might have laid it on a bit thick when we were last together, telling him how he makes me feel, yada yada yada. Too late now. But I can't devote any more energy to this until I get my head back on straight. Not that I know how to do that. But a week's break between dates will probably go a long way toward that.

OK, back to the drawing board

I'm starting to think that the Alex thing just isn't going to happen--he didn't write me back about when he's available after his e-mail on Friday thanking me and looking forward to more. I just don't know what's going on with him, so I should probably bow out quietly and not expect him to pursue this.

Our server went down again, so I took off to get some food and noticed I didn't see his car in the lot. I wondered, of course, where he could be, since he didn't say anything about not planning to be at work today during our date on Thurs. When I got back, still no car, but as I walked back to the building, I noticed it around the corner, just out of the corner of my eye. Ugh, i feel like an idiot, but what else is new? I think it's significant that I haven't heard from him since Fri, and now he's parking around the corner.

Even though I am feeling pretty unhappy and hopeless right now, I have this strange sense of hope. Not sure where this is coming from, especially since I really have nothing to base it on. I have this odd idea that things will somehow turn out, that I'm not wrong about Alex's interest, and that I'll look back on all of this and laugh someday. I hope it's soon, because these 2 weeks have been a terrible up and down ride for my stomach.

File this one under "Trust Your Gut"

So, what was I so worried about with Alex? We had a great dinner at a low-key gem of a restaurant last night, and it was so cool to reconnect with him after all of my silly angst. We were together for about 6 hours, most of which was spent alternately talking and making out in his car. Major bliss. Duh, I knew he liked me and wanted to spend time with me, and I let myself get so worked up that I couldn't sleep for 8 days. Ooof. Next time this kind of thing happens--and I'm kinda hoping it doesn't since I'd like to be with this guy for a while--I'm not gonna go overboard like I did this time.

Ooof, wish I'd done it anyway

Well, it seemed like the right choice at the time--turn Alex down for dinner last night in favor of meeting up with Jason for our weekly planned drink. This way I wouldn't look uninteresting by having no plans to break on short notice, and I could take a step back from all the turmoil I've been in over Alex's relative lack of contact since our dinner last week.

But now, I pretty much wish I'd gone with him anyway. Like Jason would have minded me bailing out on him--it wouldn't have been the first time and certainly wouldn't have been the last! And I would have gotten to talk to him and look at him again, for hours! Geez, what a stoodge I am. What is this, The Rules? Next time, I'll jump at the chance to spend time with him, even if I have to let someone else down. Tired of letting myself down, you know?

This is really weird

So, as soon as I decide Alex just isn't that into me, he e-mails me an invitation to dinner tonight. But I'm supposed to have drinks with my best friend Jason, and I don't want to be a flake. It has nothing to do with requiring more notice before a date. I look pretty good today, but I need some down time after the harrowing week of hellish second-guessing I've been doing.

I can't believe I turned him down! What the hell am I thinking? I've been dying to see him and talk to him again, and here I am acting really weird. Guess I'm just kinda dumb.

Gilmore Girls--Lorelai's bogus marriage

Why on earth have they forced Lorelei to marry Christopher? I just don't buy this marriage--she's been holding out from getting together with this guy since age 16, and NOW she discovers he's the love of her life?! Yeah, I don't see it.

Idiocy and other crimes

This post is a throw-away--if I write anything here, it'll be to beat myself up about what a dummy I'm being about Alex, the guy I had dinner with last week. Truth be told, he's obviously not that into me, but here I am, pining away like a total loser.

Ugh, can't stand myself right now. Maybe next week I'll be more tolerable.

PR nonsense

PR is an interesting (read: infuriating) business. Our clients seem to be mostly out of touch with their place in their marketspace, and have a lot of unreasonable, unrealistic expectations about what we can do for them.

OK, maybe that's not news to you, but it still shocks me every day.

One client pretty much refuses to do the interviews we get for them, even though his company is trying to get the attention of investors and needs all the coverage they can get. We have to talk the guy into doing the interview by stroking his ego and selling him on the merits of, say, the LA Times for raising the profile of his company. You might think that last point would be obvious, but not everyone can be a genius.

Another client expects to be on the cover of tier one pubs in their space, but no one gives a crap about their product, their CEO is a personality no-show, and their vp marketing doesn't have the brain power--let alone the skills and know-how--to see any of this. That's what I call a never-ending nightmare. Not my problem anymore--we dumped them just before Christmas, so ha ha ha.

Anyhoo, that's what I'm whining about today. You?

1 stroke not so bad, 2 strokes? Well...

Turns out my dad actually had 2 small strokes, not just one, and neither caused any debilitating health problems for him. His doctor said that all the meds he's been on--aspirin, high-blood pressure, and host of others--actually prevented a big event that could have left him drooling and wheelchair-bound. We've dodged yet another bullet here. Seems like nothing truly horrific or unsurmountable ever happens to my immediate family, despite all the attempts to incite or cause such things.

Not that I'm complaining. Quite the contrary.