March 21

It’s been so long since I’ve posted, I can barely remember how to do it! A number of developments since the last time:

• Amy and Noah have left the company, and we had a great lunch at Perbacco to see them both off. Sucked that we had a combined farewell instead of separate ones, but it was fun and really good anyway.
• Jon ran a 12K on Sunday and did really well. Also, he finally got his first check from that contract job at Thomson. Only 3 weeks late. Now he can finally eat and buy shoes.
• I've lost all interest in pursuing the Alex thing, which is good for me and bad for any hopes I have about the future. It’s not that I don’t feel I have a future unless I have Alex—certainly not, but that it seems like such an uphill battle to find someone who is age-appropriate, successful, active and fun that I’ve pretty much given up.
• I turned 39 last Thursday, so 40 is just around the corner, and I can't quite wrap my brain around it. Take that as you will, but I take it as an indication that I should be grown up by now with a place and things and a future of my own. That I’m am and have none of these things is pretty troubling to me.

This is probably why I haven’t been posting—I don’t want to look at any of this stuff because it’s pretty painful. Still, a journal is supposed to help you deal with your issues, and I haven’t been letting it. So maybe I’ll start a new blog that veers away from the never-ending nightmare pose and looks forward to the next phase of my life—on the cusp of 40, but still feeling 20. Not sure that’s more positive than never-ending nightmare, but it is a little more forward-thinking and might be a better direction for me to look to at this point. Wherever that is.