Happy February. Or whatever.

Since I haven't bothered to post anything since January, I thought I'd better get back on the horse. Not that there's much of anything to report since last time...

I had a "fun" lunch on Tuesday with Michelle, who works across the way and goes to the gym at the same time I do--or actually, she's there much earlier for classes, but I'm heading to the showers when she's just out. We went to Pluto's, which I haven't been to in such a long time that I forgot the set-up there. When Gregg moved to SF and I was playing pretend girlfriend, we went to the one in the Marina a lot, almost obsessively. But I was pretty obsessive back then. Guess that hasn't changed much.

I was feeling really awkward with Michelle since 1) I barely know her, 2) I wasn't hungry because I'd gotten too hungry an hour beforehand and ate something smallish, but apparently quite filling, and 3) she works with Alex, and I both did and didn't want to bring him up both did and didn't want her to bring him up. So lucky for us both, neither of us did. Still, I kept talking and talking and probably came off like a loon, but she seems to be OK with it so far. When I saw her at the gym yesterday, she was as friendly and normal as she usually is. I really need to make and maintain more friendships with chicks, so I am breathing a sigh of relief that I didn't screw up as bad as I thought.

But Kat, with whom I was supposed to have lunch today near her office (and incidentally at my brother's work--Varian), just e-mailed me through someone else to cancel our plans. I knew she was busy because she very kindly kept me apprised of her schedule, and I'd even offered a few times to push it to next week, but she was insistent that we could do it this week. It's not so much that I was desperate to meet up with her (though I really want to), but that I'm already feeling rejected this week and am letting myself wallow in my perceived unattractiveness. Michelle said some really nice things to me--that I have a positive energy and such--and it was gratifying to hear. But I think I'm just more comfortable feeling less-than so that I have something to be angst-y about. I've always really enjoyed wallowing--physically, mentally or emotionally, it's all good--and I think that's what I'm up for (or down for) right now.

In fact, I'm not sure what I would do if everything turned around with Alex right now. I'm not particularly ready to be joyful, so I guess it's better that he's been putting me off this week. I know that sounds lame, but there it is.

At least I can look forward to drinks with Andrea, Shawna, Berger and Jason tonight.